Monday, June 18, 2012

Line Upon Line

I just had a talk with my dad that was actually kind of excellent.

I had resolved last night to try to talk to him about coming out to my mom, but my resolve was waning.

He was outside doing yardwork and I was sitting watching him. He took a break and sat beside me. And we began to talk.

He told me that he was worried about my mom. That she's been questioning her testimony. And she think that God doesn't love her anymore.

I told him that was pretty ironic considering she's made it sound like I'm not worth loving if I don't have a testimony.

He said that he has never heard her say or imply anything like that.

I told him, yes, I know. That's just how I feel, how I've come to feel from things she's said.

A pause.

"I need to tell her," I said. "About me."


"I can't keep lying to her. It's not fair."

"To her or to you?" he said.

"To her."


He got up and started shoveling again. I was frustrated because I thought that he was just going to disregard the conversation.

But then we started talking.

He talked about how now is not the time. He's been trying to work on her little by little. He's been trying to bring her around. She's not ready yet. I know he could be making excuses. But he gave me examples. He sat with me. He was willing to talk.

He told me, "The Bretheren have told us that we don't know what causes this but none of us are in a position to judge."

He told me that he had given the high priests a good talking to when they started to say homophobic things.

He said that he had asked my mom if one of their kids turned out gay if she would go to their wedding. And she said, "I don't know."

He said he wants us to live close to them.

He was understanding. He took the time to see my relationship as instrumental to my life. He talked the way I talk - planning on it influencing my decision making.

It was better than I expected. I'm not coming out to my mom anytime soon. But progress is happening.

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  1. So you're letting your Father decide when you can tell YOUR truth to your mother?

    1. Hi Scott! I'd encourage you to read the story of when I came out to my dad ( for a little bit better context on that decision.

      In short, it was his idea but I support it. My mother has major depressive disorder and is not currently in good control of it. Her life circumstances at the moment are very tumultuous. Although there will never be a totally ideal time to tell her something like this, waiting for her to be on steadier ground will ultimately be better for everybody involved. It pains me greatly to keep this secret from her, but I trust my father's counsel and my own instincts.


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