Monday, June 18, 2012

Line Upon Line

I just had a talk with my dad that was actually kind of excellent.

I had resolved last night to try to talk to him about coming out to my mom, but my resolve was waning.

He was outside doing yardwork and I was sitting watching him. He took a break and sat beside me. And we began to talk.

He told me that he was worried about my mom. That she's been questioning her testimony. And she think that God doesn't love her anymore.

I told him that was pretty ironic considering she's made it sound like I'm not worth loving if I don't have a testimony.

He said that he has never heard her say or imply anything like that.

I told him, yes, I know. That's just how I feel, how I've come to feel from things she's said.

A pause.

"I need to tell her," I said. "About me."


"I can't keep lying to her. It's not fair."

"To her or to you?" he said.

"To her."


He got up and started shoveling again. I was frustrated because I thought that he was just going to disregard the conversation.

But then we started talking.

He talked about how now is not the time. He's been trying to work on her little by little. He's been trying to bring her around. She's not ready yet. I know he could be making excuses. But he gave me examples. He sat with me. He was willing to talk.

He told me, "The Bretheren have told us that we don't know what causes this but none of us are in a position to judge."

He told me that he had given the high priests a good talking to when they started to say homophobic things.

He said that he had asked my mom if one of their kids turned out gay if she would go to their wedding. And she said, "I don't know."

He said he wants us to live close to them.

He was understanding. He took the time to see my relationship as instrumental to my life. He talked the way I talk - planning on it influencing my decision making.

It was better than I expected. I'm not coming out to my mom anytime soon. But progress is happening.

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Sunday, June 3, 2012

The Law of Chastity

I showed up late to Relief Society today so it took me a couple minutes to realize what day it was.

It was Law of Chastity day.

For any non-Mormon readers I've got, The Law of Chastity is basically the rule that says not to have sex before marriage. Sounds simple, right? It should be. But it never is.

Like I said, I showed up late, so I missed the first half. The second half was the Second Counselor in the bishopric and his wife just kind of...talking. They said that sex is the icing on the cake of a great marriage. And then they ran with that metaphor. They talked about how the cake is the relationship and you would never frost just batter or eat just frosting.

But here's the thing, I just can't really get on board with that metaphor. Because 1. I hate almost all frosting and I love almost all sex and 2. I see sex as much more important than just an optional addition. 

To me, sex is an important ingredient in the "cake." It's no flour, you know, it's not the thing holding everything together. If sex is the flour in cake, then yeah you're probably doing it wrong. But to me it's kind of like butter. Yes it's technically possible to have too much butter and if you include it in the wrong proportions to everything else your cake will suck. But if you put in just a little too much your cake will actually still be delicious. Possibly more delicious than the recipe because, let's face it, butter is awesome.

But butter is an important ingredient in baking. It's not the whole thing, not in the slightest. You don't want to eat just straight butter (well some people do, but I don't), you want all the other good stuff with it. But it's right in there with everything else, a really important part of the mixture. It's not just an afterthought or something thrown in for kicks.

Oh well. I always did like brownies better than cake anyway.